Mike Rowse A voice from New Mexico

11Jan/180

Quick hits

It was announced this week that Pres. Trump will be attending the billionaire boys club meeting in Davos Switzerland. I believe this meeting takes place every year and it’s essentially a place where billionaires talk to millionaires about economic policy, globalization, climate change and income inequality. Which I think essentially means they’re talking to each other about how they can make more money, even though the information they release makes it sound like they are trying to solve these problems. But he got me to thinking especially about income inequality. If they believe that income inequality is really a problem than what would be the easiest thing for them to do to solve that? Give away some of their money to people who don’t have any. Most of the people attending this conference every year are liberals who push governmental programs to essentially redistribute other people’s wealth. Yes some of theirs is redistributed as well but they always push for other people to pay more taxes and try and pay fewer taxes when it comes to themselves. But don’t you think it’s odd that so many people who are middle-class or from lower income strata put their trust in people like Hillary Clinton, Bill Gates, Warren Buffett, or other rich people to solve a problem like income any quality. It just goes to show the irony that so many people hate the rich and think they don’t pay their fair share of taxes but they lionize the aforementioned people and support them when they run for political office. If there is income inequality because of the devious actions taken by the rich, who steal from everyone else to make themselves rich, then why would you trust them to solve the problem of income inequality? That’s like trusting the Wolf to take care of your sheep yet so many people do it willingly, especially when it comes to the politicians we put in office. You know the ones that go in with $1 million net worth, make $174,000 a year and then 25 years later they are worth $500 million?

I was perusing the Internet earlier this week going back to some websites that I have not visited for a while but that had been good sources of information whether serious news or fun stuff. One of the articles that I came across discussed images that had been taken by Google Earth’s satellites and could not be identified or clearly explained. You’ve seen these on the Internet or there’s even a television show about what on earth. One of the photos was taken in 2016 and it purports to show a picture of it in an area of Antarctica where no one goes. It clearly shows what appears to be a man-made structure that is buried in the ice at the top of it has become visible. Of course many of the climate change proponents are saying that this is a man-made pyramid, which it does appear to be, and the fact that it is now visible to us is definitive proof of global warming. Despite all of the data from NASA and other scientific organizations that show the ice At Antarctica is getting bigger and deeper and the temperatures are colder than they have been, to these people the whole continent is melting. But think about what they are saying, if they are correct in that the ice cap is melting and now this pyramid that was built by some unknown civilization that apparently lived in Antarctica thousands of years ago probably, that doesn’t that mean that Antarctica was at one time free of ice? Why would someone go there and build a pyramid on an ice flow? The scientists say that this is on actual soil or earth and not on a icecap. Wouldn’t that also say that climate change is part of Earth’s history in that man cannot control it? If people were really living in Antarctica they had to have food sources at the time didn’t they? That means that the temperature had to be mild enough that they could grow food or maybe there were animals living there, there had to be trees and plants to feed those animals. So what did those humans do to cause the earth to cool and destroyed their homes? It’s just ridiculous sometimes. Even more ridiculous is the fact that some people take them seriously.

It’s official; Oregon is full of mentally defective snowflakes many of whom are senior citizens. Oregon has been pretty liberal over the years so it’s no wonder that there are a lot of laws in Oregon that dictate how you can or cannot do almost everything. But on January 3 of this year a new law took effect in rural counties of Oregon only, defined in the law as any county with a population of less than 40,000 people. This new law allows gas station owners to open up self serve pumps. That’s right in Oregon until January of this year you could not pump your own gas, with one exception. There was one rural county that had a co-op which issued cards to its members that allow them to pump gas 24 hours a day. Otherwise you had to have an employee of the gas station and convenience store to pump your gas. And Oregonians hit the roof. Whether it was twitter, Insta Graham or Facebook, the comments from native Oregonians were telling. A 62-year-old woman wrote to the local TV station and said I don’t even know how to pump my own gas. I’m 62 years old and do not want to smell like gasoline. Another woman wrote, no! Seniors, people with disabilities and people with small children in the car need help. Not to mention getting out of your car with transients around and not feeling safe. So you would rather put somebody else’s well-being or life at risk? Because they’re being paid minimum wage to pump your gas. I have lived in this state all my life and I refuse to pump my own gas. This is a task that only qualified people should perform I will literally sit at the pump until someone comes to pump my gas. A man from outside Oregon posted on the TV stations webpage that citizens of Oregon, fear not summation point I am coming to Oregon to open a school to teach you how to pump your own gas safely. I will also be available to teach you how to sweep the floor, wash your windows, put air in your tires, take out the trash or any other menial tasks that you are on able to perform yourself. Another woman from Wisconsin wrote, in response to an Oregonian woman who had said it was too cold to get out of her car, said it is currently -17° in Wisconsin. I just finished showing my tank and guess what? I did not die, get frostbite or otherwise suffer harm in any way shape or form. Grow up Oregon. Not for some convenience store and gas station owners pushed for this bill because having to keep someone at the gas station or store 24 hours a day when they would otherwise not be open was not cost-effective plus they had a difficult time finding people to work at night. The current law did not require them to be open 24 hours a day but if someone needed gas after hours, they could call the state police who could bring them a small amount of gas or they could call the station owner and asked them to come over and pump the gas for the individual. And it should be noted that the new law which took effect in January does not require anyone to get rid of their gas pumping employees. As one owner of the Chevron station said, I will keep my employees who pump gas because I believe that will give me an edge over my competitors. Imagine that, free market principles working. I wonder if the first gas pumping death has already occurred in Oregon?

8Jan/180

Monday morning funnies; Wal-Mart edition

Wal-Mart is one of the iconic success stories in American history. But it has also been the subject of hatred, because they are so big, and a source of humor for the internet crowd. From the 'people of Wal-Mart' photos to questioning why they sell socks and not marshmallows in re-sealable bags, we've all gotten a laugh or two. The chain is also a source of information that tells us something about ourselves. Each year the company releases several lists that tell us what the most popular items being purchased have been usually broken down by state. This year the list of most popular items purchased on-line for each state either reinforces your bigoted stereotypes or raises some eyebrows. Here are a few of the ones that are more interesting than others.

Alabama: Crayons are the most popular item purchased from Wal-Mart's website. If that doesn't reinforce a stereotype, earned or not, I don't know what does. I would be most laws in 'Bama are written in crayon.

Arizona: Something called LOL Surprise! dolls. I had never heard of these but apparently they are collectible toys/dolls, kind of like Beanie Babies. Not what I originally thought, which was along the lines of robot dolls for men who can't get real dates.

Colorado: Peanut M&Ms. Because the stoners are too lazy to get out of their apartment when they get the munchies. And yes, Doritos is a close second, but it was hurt by the availability of other brands of snack chips.

Delaware: Jelly beans. Did they legalize marijuana in Delaware?

Georgia: Fischer Price Smart Stages chair. It not only has some spinner toys, but appears to be a potty training chair. Which is surprising since most adults in GA generally just find the nearest tree or a junker car in front of their trailer.

Hawaii: The Farmer Barbie Doll. I really have no idea why.

Idaho: My Little Pony collection. Because grown men can't be seen in the store buying their favorite toy.

Illinois: Erasers. How did you think they rigged elections? It's not just the dead voting.

Maine: Brownie mix. Yes, recreational ganja is legal in Maine, beginning January 1, 2017.

Michigan: Lavender scented cleaning products. Have you seen Detroit/Flint/Lansing lately?

Mississippi: Oil-less fryer. I'm sure they intended to cook with them, but there's nothing as deep fried snickers or butter dipped in real corn oil.

Montana: Madden NFL video games. Because the sheep have figured out where to hide.

New Mexico: Cat food. That explains why Santa Fe/Albuquerque/Northern NM are so screwed up. They are cat people.

Oklahoma: Barbecue sauce. Nothing makes road kill taste better than Wal-Mart BBQ sauce.

Oregon: Humidifiers. Because the snowflakes that are freaking out over pumping their own gas can't take a chance on dry air.

South Carolina: Piggy banks. OK they call them 'coin banks' because 'piggy banks' offends fat people in SC. But come on, who trusts those fancy big city bankers? My money is safer buried in my back yard.

Texas: TV wall mounts. Because each time the Cowboys or Longhorns football teams lose, Bubba tears his TV off the wall. And that's been happening a lot lately.

Utah: Personal travel care kits. Hey, when you drive to the casino in Wendover, you can't let the bishop know you'll be gone for a long time.

Washington: Vanilla frosting. What tastes better than peanut M&Ms dipped in vanilla frosting?

West Virginia: My Life dolls. Which are life size dolls; kid size anyway. Apparently the sisters have figured out they don't have to kiss their brothers anymore.

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18Dec/170

Man some people have no coping skills!

I don’t know how many stupid people there were in decades past, I’m sure there were a significant number but because of improved access to information through the Internet, we have a much easier time finding them. Why we don’t use that information more productively I’ll never know. I’m sure there are some arguments against using it in the manner that I would like that have to do with being humane and comparisons to Nazi Germany or Soviet Russia, but I think some of those are a bit disingenuous and/or incongruous. I think we have to do something to keep the stupid people from reproducing and to improve our education system to develop consequential thinking skills among our young. Read the following examples of potential Darwin award winners and see if you don’t agree.

Michael Smith and his wife Nova threw a tantrum in an Arizona McDonald’s restaurant when they did not receive hash browns with their order. They fell to the proper solution was to have Mrs. Smith through her purse at the clerk and then to call 911 and ask the police to resolve their problem. Police were able to calm the couple down and get them to leave the restaurant, without their hash browns by the way. Why they did not arrest Mrs. Smith is beyond me.

Like any rational person, Jean Fortune, dialed 911 when her local Burger King ran out of lemonade. The operator asked her if she understood that 911 was for emergencies, such as if she was dying. Jean responded that eating her hamburger without lemonade is like a death itself. I don’t think she understands the concept.

Donna Marie Nichols called 911 after she took a bite of the hamburger she had purchased at Hardee’s and thought it tasted funny. Turns out they had not put mayonnaise on the burger which of course alter the taste. Rather than punishing the restaurant, police arrested Donna for abusing 911. Finally!

Rother McLennon asked for very little ham and turkey, and a lot of cheese and mayo on his sandwich. He apparently received the complete opposite and called the police. Ironically, it happened at Grateful Deli.

In Florida, Latreasa L. Goodman called 911 a total of three times because she claimed them being out of chicken nuggets was an “emergency”. She was then cited by police. You know I like the idea of giving these people a citation. And make it one that they cannot easily get out of when they see the judge.

Tracey McCloud called the police when her Chinese food was “not up to par”. She was arrested for misusing 911, but later did end up getting her refund! However that refund also came with a lifetime ban from the restaurant.

When Danny Smith thought he was overcharged a penny for his can of Heineken he called 911, not once, not twice, but three times to complain. He was later arrested for doing so. What do you expect from some hipster drinking this rot gut?

A man in Florida found a Band-Aid in his soup at Leo’s Grill and called 911 to complain. His call eventually led to a health inspector finding 22 violations. Happy ending?

A woman called 911 saying “I want my hamburger right” after she ordered a Western BBQ burger at Burger King that only came with lettuce and tomatoes. She claimed she needed protection, to which the officer responded “What are we protecting you from? A harmful cheeseburger?”

A woman called 911 because she couldn’t figure out how to cook her turkey. Surprisingly, the 911 operator kindly gave the poor woman some cooking advice, because apparently she doesn’t have access to Google?

Reginald Peterson called 911 because he wanted police to oversee the making of a new Subway sandwich after his was made wrong. He must’ve been even more upset when didn’t get a new sandwich and was thrown in jail.

A British woman called 999 (weird I know) when only half of her ice cream had sprinkles on it. The other half had no sprinkles whatsoever. The horror!

Bevalente Michette Hall called the police because she claims Subway used marinara sauce instead of “pizza sauce” on her flatizza.

EMS paramedics actually responded to a man who called 911 saying he needed help with his grapes. They ended up staying to wash the grapes and dry them into a bowl.
Sweet, but definitely a waste of their time.

A man at Subway ordered a Philly cheesesteak with ketchup and was furious when the employee not only said that he had never done that before, but that Subway didn’t even carry ketchup. The employee called police because he felt physically threatened by the ketchupless man.

Edward Sanchez, a Michigan cop, and his wife called 911 because they were afraid for their lives after “accidentally” eating pot brownies. They later admitted it wasn’t so accidental, and the whole thing was forgotten.

I wonder if these people used their Obama phones to call 911?

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13Sep/170

Quick Hits

Sometimes you wonder what people in charge of organizations are thinking. The NCAA is probably one of those organizations that gets second-guessed more often than almost to the federal government. That’s how bad it is when the NCAA makes decisions. This week the University of Texas will travel to the University of Southern California for a football game. It is the first time the two teams have met since the 2006 national championship game which was won by Texas. However in the USC media guide for this weekend’s football game, the Trojans say their all-time record against the Longhorns is 4-0. Now everyone knows that USC lost that national championship game. So how can USC claim to be undefeated against Texas? In subsequent years the NCAA determined that USC had violated NCAA rules and ordered USC remove references to all games played in the 2005-6 season. So technically that game, that some call the greatest game ever, was never played according to the NCAA. I just don’t understand why all reference should be removed, why not just put an asterisk next to those games in the media guide with an explanation that the winds were vacated and do not count because of NCAA sanctions? But what do I know?

You just cannot make this stuff up. Jennifer Lawrence was being interviewed I suppose regarding something she’s doing with relief efforts in Florida. Whatever the reason for the interview, the subject of hurricane Irma did arise. She said America is being punished by Mother Nature for electing Donald Trump president. How stupid do you have to be? So if Mother Nature is truly punishing America for doing something “she” did not like, then what did Cuba do? What did all of those other islands in the Caribbean do wrong? And if Mother Nature has the ability to punish us for actions we take them where has she been while China puts more pollution into the atmosphere and all other countries combined?

CNN was interviewing the United States Senator, at least I think it was CNN I just caught the last part of the interview on the radio. But this Sen. was discussing how Irma not only changed its predicted path but also weekend by the time it hit the mainland United States. He said, “Mother Nature has a mind of her own.” Really? I thought we were the ones that control the climate? If it’s this fictional lady then why is she allowing all of this so-called climate change to occur? Maybe because she wants it to. Or maybe all of the predictions about where and how strong the hurricane would be are just more proof that we really don’t know anything about the weather and the climate. At least not enough to be able to accurately predict what is going to happen or to be able to actually influence what will happen.

People can talk all they want, but if you want to know what they really believe, their actions speak louder than their words. Just as someone what is more important, cancer research or a bag of potato chips. I would bet everyone that answers honestly will say cancer research. But annually we spend between six and $7 billion a year on potato chips and only $4.9 billion a year on cancer research. No wonder we are a fat ass country.

I was listening to a program in which a nutritionist, who was also a medical doctor, was discussing certain things. One of the topics had to do with vitamins and how supplements, whether in pill or liquid form, don’t really do anything for the body. Getting the vitamins you need is always better done by ingesting foods that have those vitamins naturally. He began talking about vitamin D and how we make it by absorbing UVB rays from the sun. But he pointed out that too much vitamin D can be bad for you and that is why the body tans when exposed to the sun. As the skin becomes darker, due to the increase in melatonin in the skin, in great part to block further absorption of UVB rays and the creation of vitamin D. Maybe we should be listening to our bodies much more than we do. Doctors say we have seen an increased occurrence of vitamin E toxicity over the last 20 to 25 years as people have become more likely to take supplements and to avoid being out in the sun.

I was watching a program on the Science Channel that was discussing Venus. The general consensus among many planetary scientists is that Venus is Earth’s twin. Venus is just much older than our planet. These scientists say that we will, someday, being just like Venus. In case you graduated from public school in the last 30 years, Venus is a hot volcanic mess. Now the scientists say that we will eventually be just like Venus because of the natural progression in the life of our planet. This is also due to the deterioration of our orbit around the sun and that in 1 billion years we will be in the position that Venus is in now. Maybe it will happen soon or maybe not but it certainly will not be happening in our lifetimes. But of course some people believe that we are changing the climate for the worse and maybe will be a hot volcanic mess in the next 20 years, kind of like Courtney love’s breakdown.

7Sep/170

That’s cold; I love it!

Some people can get really creative when dealing with others, especially if the other person is douchebag.

A girl posted on her FB page that she just pretended to add her phone number to an obnoxious guy's cell phone. What she really did is edit his mom's contact information. Hope she likes receiving pics of her son's penis and 2 a.m. booty calls.

One girl posted on FB, glad I haven't been on FB much lately, too busy spending time with my babe and working hard. Her boss replied that she'd posted 11 times the day before, 13 times the day before that, and 11 times the day before that; all while she was at work. Oh it get's better; her supposed boyfriend posted that he hadn't seen her for two days because she said was wasn't feeling well.

A girl posted a picture of someone she said was her friend. The photo was of a woman who had shaved her head. The girl said screw cancer, like if you think my friend is beautiful and strong for beating this horrible disease. The woman in the photo replied that she didn't have cancer and had never met the girl posting the photo.

A guy posted a photo of an IV tube and needle inserted into his arm. He said, gotta love morphine. He even went on to say he hits a button and it gives him more of the drug and he was feeling no pain after having an emergency appendectomy. His sister posted that he was lying and he was actually on a saline drip because he'd had Montezuma's revenge for over a week and was dehydrated.

A blonde woman took one of those online quizzes that automatically posts your results to your FB page. This was an IQ test and she posted that she'd scored a 125 on her IQ test today; smiley face, smiley face. The photo showed her actual score; an 85. It's a good thing she has a large chest.

A girl posts that the music at the club is pumpin', drinks are flowin', she's been getting the VIP treatment since she walked through the door and that the other girls in the club are jealous because she looks so fine all the guys are drooling over her and ignoring them. Her roommate posts, WTF? You have been in your PJ's for the last 5 hours, sitting on the couch, drinking Natty Lite and watching Game of Thrones reruns. We just had a conversation about toilet paper. Maybe she got less than an 85 on her IQ test.

A girl posted on FB that her boss was always hitting on her at work and that she had just told him to stop it or she'd file a sexual harassment lawsuit against him. Maybe she forgot she'd added her boss as a friend, not to mention some coworkers. They pointed out that she'd only be on the job for 2 days and failed to show up for her shift that day. The boss said he was going to give her a chance to explain but now... a story her coworkers backed up.

I guy posted that he'd just run into Harry Styles at a Detroit Tiger's game. He claimed that Harry had given him a $100 bill to buy 2 beers and told him to keep the change. Harry just so happens to be on FB and got a notification that he'd been tagged in the post. Harry posted Harry responded that he wasn't at the Tiger's game, in fact, One Direction was currently shooting a video in Europe. But it's a cool story bro.

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5Sep/170

It’s not Monday, but let’s act like it is

It's the first day of the work week so it doesn't matter if it's a Tuesday or not. I'd argue that going back to work on a Tuesday is harder than a regular Monday since we've been out camping, playing golf, drinking... you get the idea. Let's brighten your day a bit with some brutally honest answers wives gave to their husbands.

Today my husband asked what I wanted for Mother's Day; I said for him to give up his mistress. Ouch. He probably thought she didn't know so that could have been a double whammy.

Today I bought myself some flowers. When my cheating husband asked who'd sent them, I said a male co-worker after we'd gone to lunch. I can play with his heart too.

Was it wrong for me to laugh when my husband asked if he was still sexy? Oh no, he must have answered the "do these jeans make my butt look fat?" question incorrectly or honestly; same thing really.

My husband asked what I wanted for my birthday, which was in a few weeks. I said, a hotel room all to myself for the weekend. Maybe I could get some sleep for once.

Our 10th anniversary was approaching. He asked what I wanted; apparently "a divorce" wasn't the right answer. I wonder what she would have done if he said, "Perfect!"?

Hubby asked which one I'd chose, him or the cats. Wasn't even close.

We started swinging a few years ago. One night he asked if he was the best I'd ever had. Honesty is not always the best policy. But I did offer to give him a couple of tips.

Trying to be romantic on Valentine's he asked if I'd marry him all over again. I told him I never make the same mistake twice. Someone call the burn unit!

Husband asked me to stop flirting with other guys so much. Told him if he'd pay more attention to me I wouldn't have to flirt. Umm, maybe you need to pay more attention to him too lady.

My husband asked for a pie on his birthday; I hadn't offered anything so I wrote 3.14 on a piece of paper and put it on his plate.

My husband asked what I'd do without him; be happy again wasn't what he was looking for.

My husband asked for a sexy pic. I sent him a photo of a guy I work with. OMG!!!

My husband asked if I wanted to have kids. Who would be the father is what I responded.

My husband said if I was so miserable being married to him why don't I leave? Told him I'm waiting until he can afford a bigger alimony payment.

My husband asked why I didn't want to have sex with him. I said I would if he got a life size penis.

Ladies, you can be brutal, to say the least. I think we're going to have to find some brutally honest husband responses.

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2Aug/170

Quick hits

This student loan debt is getting out of hand. I know we have talked about the trillions of dollars sitting out there like a bubble but to bring it home, I know a young man that just graduated from Western New Mexico University with a degree in English. He has $80,000 in student loan debt. I learned English for free. I talked to him all the time and I can understand every word he says. Just another bad business decision.

Jerry Jones said a couple of weeks ago that the Dallas Cowboys organization as a gold standard for player behavior. He said this while they were defending a decision to dismiss Lucky Whitehead from the team after lucky was wrongly accused of shoplifting. Lucky just happens to be a fifth string receiver and special teams player. Interestingly, Ezekiel Elliott, their star running back as a couple of issues pending with the leak that could get him suspended. In fact they have a total of four players currently on suspension and the team has now been fined for the second year in a row for having too many players in the league discipline program. For the second year in a row they’re paying the maximum fine. Maybe Jerry was referring to the gold that he has to turn over to believe because of his players behavior.

I was listening to and about Marxist professor on the Stuart Varney show, I do not remember the professor’s name but they were discussing the situation in Venezuela. This professor said that the collapse of the economic system, political system, and society in general is due to the falling oil prices and not the inherent flaws of socialism. Now we can point to history for a number of examples of socialism failing in countries that had no income from oil. But let’s look at Venezuela specifically and what they did when the price of oil was $100 a barrel. Remember Hugo Chavez took over entire industries, family businesses, family farms and basically destroyed private ownership by the middle class. The collapse we see in Venezuela began when oil prices were high and once again it was Hugo Chavez, his successors, and his cronies that were getting rich. Venezuela didn’t take all of that money from high oil prices and put it into things like hospitals, schools, or any other state program that would help out the poor or the middle class. Even then they had a strong middle class, all of which went away when the Venezuelan government took control of everything. Their current situation has nothing to do with oil prices.

So now we have Democrats and liberal screaming that Pres. Trump’s crackdown on MS13 is racist because the majority of the members of that game are Hispanic. First of all, that is just another attempt to destroy Pres. Trump because if you look at this deeper than the surface you understand that this gang was preying upon Hispanic communities. Everything they did to burglary to extortion to drug dealing was done primarily to the Hispanic community. Margaret Hoover, the grand daughter of former Pres. Herbert Hoover and a self professed Republican said that Pres. Trump unleashing law enforcement on the gang is done only to appease the white racists in America. We know that it has nothing to do with the color of the skin of the gang but the fact that this gang has become the most violent reprehensible move of criminals we have seen in recent history. Is she ignoring the color of the skin or the Heritage for the ethnicity their victims? Of course she is because she doesn’t like Pres. Trump. If the majority of Pres. Trump’s supporters were racist as she and others claim, wouldn’t we want MS 13 to continue murdering Hispanics?

That we have discussed in the past the real reasons for the so-called gender wage gap, which is not a accurate representation of men and women are really treated in the job market. But I was listening to a guy discuss the situation with a tongue in cheek approach. He said there is justification for a gender wage gap. First of all, men are expected to pay every time we take a woman out on the date or are trying to get her into the bedroom. Thus we have to spend more money but it spent on them so they get the benefit anyway. Secondly, for some reason, if they were all on the Titanic together, women and children would get to jump into the lifeboats while the men were left floating in the water hoping that a piece of the ship would come by that they could hold onto until rescuers got done saving the women. So if you want to pay for the date as often as we do and you want to take your chances on a sinking ship, then by all means you should get a equal wage. Remember this was said tongue-in-cheek.

I got to thinking about the sobriety test that officers give you if they suspect you have been drinking and driving. What do things like walking in a straight line, heel to toe, touching your nose with your finger or some of the other antics they put you through have to do with driving? Sure you can tell me or you if you are unstable but does that mean you cannot drive? Why don’t they have a simulator that they put you in and let you drive an obstacle course? If you pass without killing any pedestrians or driving through the police station then you get to drive on home. Wouldn’t that be a more accurate representation of your ability to drive?

I was watching a show about storm chasers in Nebraska and the announcer asked one of them why they drive towards the tornadoes when everyone else is trying to get away? Isn’t it obvious? Have you ever been to Nebraska? I have and let me tell you if I thought a tornado was the quickest way out of the state, I’ve driven towards it also.

17Jul/170

Having a bad day? Let’s brighten it up a bit.

Monday's get a bad rap, somewhat deservedly so, but you don't have to have a bad day just because most of you have to head back to work. You probably had a busy weekend and need a bit of a rest so why not do it at work? Let's make Monday better and ease the sting of going back to the grind by laughing at other people's pain?

a church organist had a very busy day ahead of him; two funerals and a wedding were on the schedule at his church. Of course the wedding was last and when the bride began walking down the aisle, the organist played funeral music rather than the traditional wedding music.

a guy is on an elevator when a very attractive woman gets on as well. She is on her phone and says, "I have to go, there's a really cute guy on the elevator." The guy thinks, "this is going to be my lucky day." Imagine how he felt when the woman turned to him and said sorry for lying but I really needed to get her off the phone, she's annoying.

A girl texted her college boyfriend one evening and said she needed to tell him something important. She told her boyfriend that she felt really bad about cheating. Before she could go on, the boyfriend texted back and said, "I'm so relieved that you were cheating because I've been cheating on you with a girl in the dorm." The girl texts back saying that she had cheated on a math exam not on him. Oops!

A woman was walking down the street when she noticed a man pointing a camera directly at her. She became upset and yelled at him, "did I say you could take a picture of me?" The man replied, "no but could you get out of the way so I can finish taking a picture of my wife and kids?" A bit self-centered art we?

A girl was missing her boyfriend who was out of town on a business trip. She decided to take a hike up a mountain where he had taken her on their first date. She got to the point where they had sat and enjoyed the view, only to find a couple doing the freak nasty in the bushes. She thought she would call her boyfriend to share the experience only to be mortified when she heard his ring tone coming from the bushes. Let that be a lesson to you cheating guys, never take your side girl to the same places you take your main girl.

a recent college graduate got an interview for the job he really wanted. He was so nervous on the date of the interview that he could not eat but was feeling nauseous so decided to grab something just to settle his stomach. His roommate had just made some brownies so he grabbed one on the way out the door. Just about the time he entered the office to begin the interview he started laughing uncontrollably and could not stop. The interview was cut short and it was clear that he would not work in his dream job. When he got home his roommate told him that they were special brownies.

A man and woman had met on a dating site and exchanged emails and messages along with phone calls for about two months before deciding to actually meet and go on a date. The woman was very excited because she had the feeling that this guy might be the one based upon how much they had in common. She scheduled today at the beauty parlor to have her hair and nails done as well as getting that special Brazilian wax job. She arrived at the date looking fantastic and was very happy with the way her date looked as well. Things were going famously until they began to talk about family and realized that they were cousins. Apparently they didn't live in the South as that seemed to be a problem for them.

the girl had been working her new job for about three months when it became time for the company's Christmas party. She had made a few friends at work and noticed that one of the women with whom she worked was being hit upon by an obviously older man. At one point the man left to use the restroom and the woman walked over to her coworker and said they if you need me to I can help you out. The woman asked what she meant to which the girl replied, "that old freaky guy is hitting on you and I thought you might want to get away from him." The coworker replied, "that's my fiancé."

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10Jul/170

Quick hits: where would you like to visit but not live?

I was listening to a radio show and the topic was about travel. The question came up, "where's a place you love to visit but would never want to live there?" It's an interesting question and many of the answers were fairly obvious, New York City, several places in Europe, Mexico and other Central American countries and so on. but one caller had a very unique answer that embarrassed the host but also made the host laugh uncontrollably. This gentleman's answer was, "a vagina". you can completely understand that if you are a guy.

Speaking of listening to radio shows, I was listening to one of the music channels on XM radio and the host was interviewing a band from Europe who had just released a new album and was beginning their first tour in the United States. One of the first questions to the lead singer was where are you from? He said Amsterdam. Not being a radio host myself I understand wanting to make a connection with your guest because it makes for more interesting radio and this host was no different. He said excitedly that he loved Amsterdam and had visited there, especially enjoying their attitudes towards marijuana and prostitution. Unfortunately that did not sit well with this guest. He was indignant and said all Americans are alike when it comes to visiting Amsterdam, all they care about our hookers and weed. He said there is much more to Amsterdam then hookers and weed. The host tried to save the interview but this rock singer continued to denigrate Americans and their stereo typical opinion of Amsterdam. The host finally shot back asking him what's so great about Amsterdam besides those things, is that the transit system that would prompt me to visit Amsterdam? What other attractions are there? The guest said the transit system is pretty good. The host shot back, yet the best thing about that is it takes you to the hookers and the weed. Interview over. That's good radio.

When did we have to start putting up so many warning signs and attaching so many warning labels? I have talked about it before, one of the biggest reasons is the lawsuits from the ambulance chasing attorneys. I've been staying in a hotel for a few days and going up and down the stairs I noticed at every landing there is a sign that says, "caution; slippery when wet". Who doesn't know that floors or stairs become slippery when there's water on them? But again somebody somewhere got sued and now businesses have to spend money on things like this. But it also got me to thinking it's not just the lawyers to blame it's also our education system. Think about this; at some point a mud sucking, bottom feeding attorney had to convince a jury that not only was his client a complete moron, because he didn't understand that stairs are slippery when wet, but the attorney had to convince the jury that most of our population are complete morons who need to be protected from just about everything. You have to blame our education system and our parenting styles for that. That jury and subsequent juries had to believe that most people are not capable of learning after watching someone slip or slipping themselves on its service like that. I'm just saying.

True bravery: what is it? You might say fighting in a war or overcoming your biggest fears but I have another definition for you. Think about a husband arriving home after a long boys night out, especially if his wife wasn't happy with him going out. He walks through the door and she begins yelling at him and beating him with a broom handle. True bravery is the husband still having the backbone to ask, "are you cleaning the house or flying somewhere?"

Watching another riot at the G 20 summit in Hamburg Germany and I started wondering, how is it that these people believe throwing rocks, destroying property, and attacking police are going to bring about peace?

24May/170

Really, you’re that petty?

we have all had bad dates in our lives. Most of us just move on, maybe complaining to our friends or these days you might shame the other person on social media and then let it go. Some people however are just a little snowflakes that have to make the point leaving no doubt about who the real ass hole is.

Brandon Vendinar met Crystal Cruz on the website "bumble", which I guess is a dating site. After exchanging a few messages they agreed to go on a date. If you are 15 you might not know the best place to take someone on a first date. But if you are in your late 20s or early 30s you think you would have figured this out by now. Meet someone for a cup of coffee or a drink so that you can talk and get to know each other. It also gives you a quick out if things are not working out. Taking someone to see a movie on a first date just defeats the purpose of getting to know them doesn't it?

However that said Brandon decided to take Crystal to see the new movie, guardians of the Galaxy. Brandon says that about 15 minutes into the movie Crystal pulled out her cell phone and began texting nonstop. It got so bad that he suggested she take it outside. Crystal's version of the story is that her best friend sent a text to ask if she was okay or if she needed a phone call to get her out of the date. Crystal said it was to text messages and that's it. Brandon said that after he told Crystal to take it outside, fearing that the theater management would kick them out, she stood up, leaned into him and said she'd be right back. Of course she never returned. Smart girl.

The next day Brandon sent Crystal a text message telling her that she was extremely rude and he wanted his $17.31, the cost of the movie ticket, back. He said she ruined the date and made him pay for a ticket that was ultimately not used. She of course refused saying that essentially he was the one that made her leave because he was a little pansy and a whiner. At this point Brandon could've just moved on and letting go, but of course he did not. He told Crystal that if she did not reimburse him he would file a claim in court. And that is exactly what he did.

A local television program got a hold of the news and interviewed both of them, then suggested they meet and try to work it out. Crystal was very magnanimous and apologized for her behavior and leaving without being specific. She gave him the $17.31 which he promptly counted to make sure it was all there before accepting her apology. He had one last chance to try and convince the world that he was not a petty, whining little mama's boy but he blew it. He could've just said you know what, an apology was really what I wanted, you can keep your money.

But at least other women in the Austin Texas area will now know to swipe left on his Tinder profile.

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