Mike Rowse A voice from New Mexico

Hooray drinking!!!!

You have probably heard about the benefits of moderate alcohol consumption. Amateurs! A new study published by researchers from the Universities of Texas and Boston reaches a more startling conclusion; heavy drinkers out live abstainers! Researchers followed a few hundred people for 20 years and found that those consuming what would be considered copious amounts of alcohol lived 3 years longer than the group that abstained from consuming booze. I knew it! Pour me another Captain & Diet Coke and make it a DOUBLE!!! Researchers concluded that the boozers were more relaxed and less stressed than tee totalers and thus did not have heart attacks or other stress related diseases. And they were happier too. See, Ben was right; “beer is proof God loves us and wants us to be happy.”

You thought Ochocinco was bad

I know it’s a small photo but that is Gary Guy Matthews of PA. Gary is 44 and believe it or not is single. You won’t be surprised in a moment. Gary is a fan of an old T.V. show from the 80’s, “Boomer.” I don’t remember it but it was apparently about a dog that went around saving people; Boomer had human characteristics I guess. Gary Guy really liked the show, I mean REALLY liked the show. He has been trying for years to get his parents to call him Boomer, which they finally agreed to do. But that was not enough for Gary Guy. He filed a petition with the court to have his name legally changed to ‘Boomer The Dog’. The judge refused to grant the petition. His reasoning was that Gary Guy’s propensity to try and help people in trouble would at some point require Gary to call 911; when the operator asked for Gary to identify himself, Boomer The Dog would be the answer; the operator would assume it was a prank call and hang up. Thus someone truly in need of help would be hurt by Gary’s selfish act. I can see what the judge is saying and I think sometimes people need to be protected from themselves but Gary Guy should be allowed to change his name to Boomer T. Dog. Gary Guy said he has finally realized his identity and failing to achieve his goal of a name change will not alter his beliefs or behavior. Ladies, he’s yours for the taking!

I think you’re in trouble GL

On August 16, 1977 the King died or so most people believe. But 7% of Americans still believe that Elvis is alive. I think if he’s alive he’s been working on a State of New Mexico road crew, no one would find him there and he wouldn’t have to work. But compare that to how many Americans think Obama’s stimulus plan has worked, 6%. More people believe that Elvis is still alive than believe the stimulus worked. I think GL might have a credibility issue.

That’s some fine police work

The Royal Canadian Mounted Police ‘always get their man.’ Sometimes apparently it’s a bit harder than it should be. The Prince George Bank of Nova Scotia in a strip mall in Vancouver was robbed of a small amount of cash Friday morning. The perpetrator was described as a 75 yr old man weighing about 230 pounds wearing a straw hat, white T-shirt, gray jogging pants and dark glasses and he was using a walker. Picture that; he doesn’t produce a weapon but says he has one. He is standing at your teller window wheezing and leaning heavily on his walker. How quickly can he get to a gun if he has one? I think you’d have time to run away. How can you not laugh at him?

But the teller did the right thing and handed over some of her money; the criminal mastermind then left, slowly. The manager called the RCMP who were able to capture the robber 45 minutes later in the same strip mall where the bank is located. What did that involve, standing up and looking around? How did it take 45 minutes to catch a guy using a walker? Really?! That must have been some high speed chase, a geezer wheezing down the side walk with his walker and a doughnut laden police officer chasing him. It’s a wonder there aren’t more successful bank robberies in Canada.

What a huge disappointment

Imagine my excitement when I learned that Victoria’s Secret had paired with the NFL to offer official team logo merchandise for the ladies. That’s a fashion show I would watch! Thoughts of the Wonder Bra, lingerie bowl and so much more dance through my head as I waited for the page to load. Oh this is going to be good, Christmas has come early! Picturing the lovely ladies in lingerie that sported the Vikings logo was almost too much. Then I was let down so hard; like getting blindsided by Jared Allen. This was the official NFL logo gear; oh they have sweatpants, hoodies and more; all the things your wife wears as she grabs a quart of ice cream and “gets comfortable.” I might never browse the VS store again.

This man will save you after a terrorist attack

I know I feel safer already. Actually he will be administering drugs to save you after a terrorist biological attack. Feel better? The Postal Service is training delivery personnel in 6 cities to administer life saving drugs in the event of large scale terrorist attack involving biological weapons. No really, I’m not making this up. Cliff Claven could be the person to save you if anthrax is released in your community. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not making fun of postal workers per se; I’m just saying that I’m not sure I want to see our mail carrier coming at me with a needle in hand…

Doctors are killers

The number of physicians in the U.S. is about 700,000. Accidental deaths caused by physicians are 120,000 per year. That is .171 deaths per physician per year.

The number of gun owners in the U.S. is 80,000,000. Yes 80 million. The number of accidental gun deaths per year is 1500. That is .000188 deaths per gun per year.

Statistically doctors are something like 9000 times more likely to kill you than gun owners. Remember “Guns don’t kill people, doctors do.” By the logic of the left, shouldn’t we then be banning doctors?

I have statistics on lawyers but the stats might enrage you and cause unnecessary retaliation against lawyers.

Just need a laugh

Wow, could you drive it?

What’s the first thing you notice about the new Mercedes Benz SCL600? No steering wheel. That joy stick in the middle is how you steer this car. Also notice that there aren’t any pedals? There buttons on the joystick to brake and you push the stick to accelerate. On the dash there are buttons for drive and reverse. And see the T.V. screen? It has T.V. capabilities. That’s in the wrong place because the driver can see it. MB is planning for the next generation, the ones that play video games all the time. Could you drive this car or would you have to be trained all over again?

What happened to the guy?!!!

This is Sara Blasse’s car. Obviously it is a total loss. You can’t tell but it was also set on fire; as part of Sara’s elaborate ruse to avoid telling the truth. According to Camden NJ police Sara reported that she had been the victim of a carjacking. The carjacker then threw her out of the vehicle, breaking her arm, and took off. Somehow, she said, the man then wrecked her car and must have started the fire to hide evidence, maybe? Police were not buying it. I guess Camden NJ police were not trained by the Oakland police.

Upon further questioning Blasse admitted to being in the car at the time of the crash. She was not the victim of a carjacking however. But neither was she sure how the crash happened other than just before the car hit the tree she finished the job in a manner of speaking. Blasse admitted to police she had been performing oral sex on her boyfriend who was driving. He finished, she finished and then CRASH. She broke her arm. They then came up with the idea to report the carjacking.

But what happened to him? I guess she really had finished so he walked away intact so to speak. Can you imagine the horror if she had not? I don’t want to think about it.