Mike Rowse A voice from New Mexico

15Sep/140

MMF – how to stay single

Bicyclist in a Thong

It's difficult enough to find that special someone, it seems that any little thing can turn someone off enough to leave you, especially in today's "me, me, me" society where people are offended by the simplest of things. David Greenman, 34, has ensured that he will be forever alone by winning an eating contest at a fair in southern England over the weekend. To be sure, David is not a professional eater and he isn't particularly out of shape or ugly but no woman will get within 20 feet of him. David even came within one portion of matching the world record in this particular eating contest. He downed 33 raw cloves of garlic in less than one minute. Organizer Mark Boatwright said David had come very close to downing that 34th clove but rules are rules. Come on man, he's got no one and has ensured he'll have no one coming with 20 ft of him for quite some time, give him that last clove.

If this won't get you to stop drinking then nothing will. Off to the Himalayas where a 44 year old man was attacked and killed on Thursday. The man was walking home from a local establishment where he'd been consuming adult beverages. He was staggering and bit slow. The man was attacked by a leopard after the man had stopped at a public outhouse. Local officials say the man is the 12th victim of the leopard in the last 2 years and it is strongly believed all 12 were intoxicated when they were attacked. Wildlife experts believe the leopard is elderly and has learned it is easier to attack drunk humans than chasing its more normal prey. Interestingly the leopard seems to attack more people after they leave public toilets, maybe because it gives him an element of surprise or because he can smell the strong odor of consumed adult beverages being expelled from the body and has learned this means the potential meal is slower and less likely to land a blow with the stick that most locals now carry with them. Now we're cleaning the gene pool.

Chris Putnam moved to Colleyville City in TX a few years ago. He bought a nice house and became involved in his community. He thought he'd found the perfect place to live. Now the current city councilman is leading the way against a blight that he believes could ruin his new home. You see, Putnam purchased a nice home in Colleyville. The back yard was really nice because he didn't have any neighbors back there, just on old railroad track. Now a private company, which owns the tracks, is proposing to put them to use by running a commuter train between Grapevine and Ft. Worth. This has Putnam up in arms because who knew the rails could be used to run a train? To be fair, when he moved in a few weeks ago, the knew there was a local 'old timey' train that ran a few times a week along the tracks but no one told him a commuter train that goes real fast near the community trails would be moving along. A little research dude; this isn't a plan that popped up over night. Of course, Putnam says he's all for mass transit and the benefits but like most liberals, not in my backyard.

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