Mike Rowse A voice from New Mexico

18Dec/170

Man some people have no coping skills!

I don’t know how many stupid people there were in decades past, I’m sure there were a significant number but because of improved access to information through the Internet, we have a much easier time finding them. Why we don’t use that information more productively I’ll never know. I’m sure there are some arguments against using it in the manner that I would like that have to do with being humane and comparisons to Nazi Germany or Soviet Russia, but I think some of those are a bit disingenuous and/or incongruous. I think we have to do something to keep the stupid people from reproducing and to improve our education system to develop consequential thinking skills among our young. Read the following examples of potential Darwin award winners and see if you don’t agree.

Michael Smith and his wife Nova threw a tantrum in an Arizona McDonald’s restaurant when they did not receive hash browns with their order. They fell to the proper solution was to have Mrs. Smith through her purse at the clerk and then to call 911 and ask the police to resolve their problem. Police were able to calm the couple down and get them to leave the restaurant, without their hash browns by the way. Why they did not arrest Mrs. Smith is beyond me.

Like any rational person, Jean Fortune, dialed 911 when her local Burger King ran out of lemonade. The operator asked her if she understood that 911 was for emergencies, such as if she was dying. Jean responded that eating her hamburger without lemonade is like a death itself. I don’t think she understands the concept.

Donna Marie Nichols called 911 after she took a bite of the hamburger she had purchased at Hardee’s and thought it tasted funny. Turns out they had not put mayonnaise on the burger which of course alter the taste. Rather than punishing the restaurant, police arrested Donna for abusing 911. Finally!

Rother McLennon asked for very little ham and turkey, and a lot of cheese and mayo on his sandwich. He apparently received the complete opposite and called the police. Ironically, it happened at Grateful Deli.

In Florida, Latreasa L. Goodman called 911 a total of three times because she claimed them being out of chicken nuggets was an “emergency”. She was then cited by police. You know I like the idea of giving these people a citation. And make it one that they cannot easily get out of when they see the judge.

Tracey McCloud called the police when her Chinese food was “not up to par”. She was arrested for misusing 911, but later did end up getting her refund! However that refund also came with a lifetime ban from the restaurant.

When Danny Smith thought he was overcharged a penny for his can of Heineken he called 911, not once, not twice, but three times to complain. He was later arrested for doing so. What do you expect from some hipster drinking this rot gut?

A man in Florida found a Band-Aid in his soup at Leo’s Grill and called 911 to complain. His call eventually led to a health inspector finding 22 violations. Happy ending?

A woman called 911 saying “I want my hamburger right” after she ordered a Western BBQ burger at Burger King that only came with lettuce and tomatoes. She claimed she needed protection, to which the officer responded “What are we protecting you from? A harmful cheeseburger?”

A woman called 911 because she couldn’t figure out how to cook her turkey. Surprisingly, the 911 operator kindly gave the poor woman some cooking advice, because apparently she doesn’t have access to Google?

Reginald Peterson called 911 because he wanted police to oversee the making of a new Subway sandwich after his was made wrong. He must’ve been even more upset when didn’t get a new sandwich and was thrown in jail.

A British woman called 999 (weird I know) when only half of her ice cream had sprinkles on it. The other half had no sprinkles whatsoever. The horror!

Bevalente Michette Hall called the police because she claims Subway used marinara sauce instead of “pizza sauce” on her flatizza.

EMS paramedics actually responded to a man who called 911 saying he needed help with his grapes. They ended up staying to wash the grapes and dry them into a bowl.
Sweet, but definitely a waste of their time.

A man at Subway ordered a Philly cheesesteak with ketchup and was furious when the employee not only said that he had never done that before, but that Subway didn’t even carry ketchup. The employee called police because he felt physically threatened by the ketchupless man.

Edward Sanchez, a Michigan cop, and his wife called 911 because they were afraid for their lives after “accidentally” eating pot brownies. They later admitted it wasn’t so accidental, and the whole thing was forgotten.

I wonder if these people used their Obama phones to call 911?

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