Mike Rowse A voice from New Mexico

8Jan/180

Monday morning funnies; Wal-Mart edition

Wal-Mart is one of the iconic success stories in American history. But it has also been the subject of hatred, because they are so big, and a source of humor for the internet crowd. From the 'people of Wal-Mart' photos to questioning why they sell socks and not marshmallows in re-sealable bags, we've all gotten a laugh or two. The chain is also a source of information that tells us something about ourselves. Each year the company releases several lists that tell us what the most popular items being purchased have been usually broken down by state. This year the list of most popular items purchased on-line for each state either reinforces your bigoted stereotypes or raises some eyebrows. Here are a few of the ones that are more interesting than others.

Alabama: Crayons are the most popular item purchased from Wal-Mart's website. If that doesn't reinforce a stereotype, earned or not, I don't know what does. I would be most laws in 'Bama are written in crayon.

Arizona: Something called LOL Surprise! dolls. I had never heard of these but apparently they are collectible toys/dolls, kind of like Beanie Babies. Not what I originally thought, which was along the lines of robot dolls for men who can't get real dates.

Colorado: Peanut M&Ms. Because the stoners are too lazy to get out of their apartment when they get the munchies. And yes, Doritos is a close second, but it was hurt by the availability of other brands of snack chips.

Delaware: Jelly beans. Did they legalize marijuana in Delaware?

Georgia: Fischer Price Smart Stages chair. It not only has some spinner toys, but appears to be a potty training chair. Which is surprising since most adults in GA generally just find the nearest tree or a junker car in front of their trailer.

Hawaii: The Farmer Barbie Doll. I really have no idea why.

Idaho: My Little Pony collection. Because grown men can't be seen in the store buying their favorite toy.

Illinois: Erasers. How did you think they rigged elections? It's not just the dead voting.

Maine: Brownie mix. Yes, recreational ganja is legal in Maine, beginning January 1, 2017.

Michigan: Lavender scented cleaning products. Have you seen Detroit/Flint/Lansing lately?

Mississippi: Oil-less fryer. I'm sure they intended to cook with them, but there's nothing as deep fried snickers or butter dipped in real corn oil.

Montana: Madden NFL video games. Because the sheep have figured out where to hide.

New Mexico: Cat food. That explains why Santa Fe/Albuquerque/Northern NM are so screwed up. They are cat people.

Oklahoma: Barbecue sauce. Nothing makes road kill taste better than Wal-Mart BBQ sauce.

Oregon: Humidifiers. Because the snowflakes that are freaking out over pumping their own gas can't take a chance on dry air.

South Carolina: Piggy banks. OK they call them 'coin banks' because 'piggy banks' offends fat people in SC. But come on, who trusts those fancy big city bankers? My money is safer buried in my back yard.

Texas: TV wall mounts. Because each time the Cowboys or Longhorns football teams lose, Bubba tears his TV off the wall. And that's been happening a lot lately.

Utah: Personal travel care kits. Hey, when you drive to the casino in Wendover, you can't let the bishop know you'll be gone for a long time.

Washington: Vanilla frosting. What tastes better than peanut M&Ms dipped in vanilla frosting?

West Virginia: My Life dolls. Which are life size dolls; kid size anyway. Apparently the sisters have figured out they don't have to kiss their brothers anymore.

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